Monday, December 13, 2004


I was surfing between finals and came across a really funny site. They won 2nd or 3rd in the latest best humor blog award.
Here's a taste:
The United Nations has shown itself to be increasingly corrupt and an impediment to the United States of America (the best United States of all). Thus, I sent my crack research team to find out all they could about the U.N.
* The U.S. created the United Nations in 1945 in an effort to centralize pointless squabbling.
* The job of the U.N. is to make other nations feel like they have a say in things while the U.S. goes ahead and does whatever the hell it feels like.
* The U.N. has expanded its job to getting kickbacks for their members and hating Israel.
* Most of the voting in the U.N. is for non-binding resolutions that hold no weight. It's like internet polls with more Jew-hating.
* The main power in the U.N is held by the few members of the Security Council who can vote and have vetoes. For some strange reason, France has a permanent seat at that council. It's their last semblance of having any influence whatsoever in this world, and they guard it as protectively as Frenchmen can.
* The main job for the U.N. is "peacekeeping" which usually means "whining at the U.S."
* While the U.N. never actually stops massacres and genocide, it does have endless debate about them. And isn't that better than nothing?
* No, it is not.
* The U.N. is full of dictatorships who get to vote on issues. Voting for them is new, but they realize how much better hating the Jews is when you pass a full resolution.
* The U.N. headquarters is in N.Y. and is technically not U.S. property. If you beat up some U.N. guy, the U.N. police would be the ones to try and arrest you. All you would have to do is then step out of the building and they wouldn't have jurisdiction over you. Then you could tell a NY cop, "I just beat up a U.N. guy!" and he'd be like, "Cool!" Then the U.N. police would yell from their front door, "He beat up some guy here. You extradite him back into this building!" And the cop would answer, "No." Heh, that's funny.
* U.N. people have silly names like Boutros Boutros, Kofi, and Kojo to reinforce how useless they are. It's sad that some countries are so backwards they don't know those names are silly.
* Well, I guess it's not technically "sad" since I'm laughing.
* The U.N. sometimes holds councils in other countries on topics such as women's rights or the environment. Whatever the original topic is supposed to be, the main order of the day is always U.S. and Israel bashing.
* The U.N. has had some of the worst human rights offenders head their council on human rights. If they were told to guard a henhouse, they'd probably appoint a fox.
* U.N peacekeepers have blue helmets. While not strategic for camouflage, U.N. peacekeepers never do anything anyway, so they might as well have colorful helmets.
* If attacked by U.N. peacekeepers, find the portal out of the strange dimension you got yourself trapped in.
* When dealing with U.N. members, remember that their greediness is only matched by their cowardice. Try shaking them to get what you want.
* With such scandals as the Oil for Food program, the U.N. shows itself to be both inept and corrupt. On the other hand, its building is shiny.
* In a fight between U.N. and Aquaman, the U.N. would endlessly talk about deploying peacekeepers against Aquaman but never actually do it. Thus Aquaman would win by default. Yes, there is at least one entity in this world more impotent than Aquaman.
* While the U.S. dropping out of the U.N. would cripple the corrupt organization and save the U.S. money, it would make lots of whiny nations angry at us... which, come to think of it, isn't really a change.
* Plans for turning the U.N. headquarters into an IHOP are on the table, but nothing has been finalized.


At 11:32 AM, Blogger DCDuck said...

This is pretty good stuff! How much longer do you think the U.N. will last? I think at some point that they just need to face the fact that the U.N. is nothing more than a place to debate and talk.

At 11:54 AM, Blogger J-Red said...

Asking the UN to reduce its role is like asking some government agency to voluntarily make itself smaller. Not going to happen. The only say alot of two bit nations have is through the UN, so they have absolutely zero incentive to reduce its power. Thats like asking wyoming if they think we out to reduce the power and influence of the senate.

At 12:46 PM, Blogger kevin said...

I say that the UN is like the a big brother little brother relationship. . .the little brother can argue and banter all they want but at the end of the day the big brother is still able to beat and supress the younger one. If it makes little brother feel good that he can talk let him talk. . .it won't stop me from changing my course.

At 2:26 PM, Blogger kevin said...

This is not really on the subject, but I wanted to get it out for you guys to read. It is quite an interesting article, though I highly disagree with the author.


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